You don’t have to LOVE your body to be happy in the skin you’re in!
It’s Valentines Day! A made-up day to make us appreciate the love in our lives… or for many, it’s another way to make us feel inadequate in our lives or relationships. A reminder, if we’re single or recently separated, that relationships are the marker of success. We find ourselves comparing ourselves to others - our lives, our relationships, or gifts…
Becky and a giant cuddly sloth - the cuddly sloth doesn’t belong to Becky :(
But comparison is a thief of joy - comparing ourselves to others rarely makes us feel good about ourselves - and if it does, it’s often at the expense of someone else’s joy (which is often where trolling behaviours come from). Whether it’s relationships, jobs our our bodies - we tend to focus on the negatives in our own lives and see the grass as always greener on the other side.
Focusing on our bodies for a moment - if you’re reading this, you’re likely to have seen your fair share of body positive posts on social media telling you to embrace and love your body - I’ve probably even posted a few myself! But what can you do if you… don’t love it?
There are lots of reasons why you might feel like loving your body is so far out of reach (we won’t go into them today - we’ll save that for another post) - and that’s OK. You don’t have to spend hours gazing at your naked body or write a sonnet about it to begin to heal your relationship with your body.
You can start (and maybe even stick) with body neutrality. Let’s stop that pendulum dead in it’s tracks. You don’t have to love your body but you don’t have to hate it. You don’t have to feel that your body is beautiful or embrace your flaws either. Try to find a way to be indifferent about your body. To think less about it’s appearance and focus more on the things your body does for you or how you feel living within it.
Becky - wearing a pink t-shirt and throwing multi-coloured confetti in the air. She looks like she’s cheering!
Here are my top 5 tips for working towards body neutrality:
If looking in the mirror makes you critical of your body try and do it less. Sound weird - but I genuinely think less about my appearance when I look at it less often. I’m not saying smash all the mirrors or anything, and sure you can check you’re not leaving the house with Marmite on your chops! But spend less time looking at yourself and see how it feels.
Start a gratitude list about your body. Each day, write down one or two things you’re grateful for about your body - it can be functional things like ‘I’m grateful that my lungs kept breathing today’ or ‘my feet took me to the shops and back’ - they don’t have to be appearance based. Keep the list and look back on it when you need to. (I do this as part of my daily bullet journaling practice).
Find ways to be peaceful and comfortable in your body. Even if it’s just for 5 minutes each day to begin with. Start small if you need to and then increase the time you spend doing it. It could be reading a book, taking a bath, practicing mindfulness, dancing, going for a walk. Whether you feel more at home in the stillness or in movement - do what makes you feel good.
Follow body neutral accounts on social media (if you use social media) - Megan Jayne Crabbe is a great place to start (her book is also brilliant and well worth a read). There are loads of great accounts you can follow (look through the people I’m following on Instagram for more inspiration).
Be kind to yourself and to others. If you feel yourself thinking or saying something negative about your body or someone saying something about theirs you don’t need to rush in with ‘you’re beautiful’ - but is there a way to reframe the thought to be more neutral. For example, if you don’t like a particular part of your body - try thinking “I don’t like my [insert body part] yet” - there’s a lot of power and hope in adding that little word. Try not to beat yourself up if those negative thoughts slide in, though - they might have been the default for a long time so it can take some time to undo it.
You might find some of these tips easier to adopt than others, some might resonate with you more - it’s a journey rather than a destination. Taking baby steps in the right direction can make a big difference over time…
On this day of love - let’s just settle with hating a little less.
